Patrick Ewing Has a Time Machine

This might lend a new definition to the infamous Patrick Ewing Theory, that a team is better off without it’s star player; the theory is not inclusive enough.? Would the world be better off after Patrick Ewing breezed through definitive historical moments?

One of the NBA’s greatest centers, Patrick Ewing, has discovered a time machine and rather than go back and change the outcome of his great (but sorta disapointing career – c’mon Knicks fans you know it’s true!) career, he decided to embark upon the greatest adventure mankind has ever witnessed.? Perhaps even greater than when Bert went evil on us.

Upon inspection, Patrick realized that this unexplainable object was in fact a time machine. Unable to resist, Patrick began a journey through time, hoping to catch glimpses of the world’s most famous events.? Patrick swore not to interfere, knowing that even a tiny change could severely alter the present that he had previously known. Patrick did, however, swear that he would prove that his magical journey did happen, and today, for the first time, we are privileged to see pictures from Patrick Ewing’s spectacular journey.

Patrick Ewing 1 History 0.? Unfortunately, Ewing did interfere with history and things have never been the same.? Where else did Patrick go??

John Lennon always said The Beatles would never in a million years lost to Mick Jagger and The Rolling Stones in pick up hoops.? Now we know why.

It’s a good thing Patrick Ewing officially abandoned the USS Knickerbocker before she sank into the ocean.? Leonardo DiCaprio said his “king of the world” line was improvised from Ewing, much like his “blowin’ in the wind” line was stolen from Dylan.? Poets of the world, he said.

Who shot Tupac and Biggie?? The cops may not be able to figure it out, but it was Patrick!? He hated the misogynistic and violent lyrics because they had a negative effect on his son’s upbringing.? He killed them to save little Patrick.

Patrick takes world peace and civic protest very seriously. Whether the Cold War or Vietnam.

Patrick Ewing 6 History 0

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