Michael Bay Continues to be the Worst, Doesn’t Understand TMNT

It’s not like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are a work of high art on the level of Shakespeare or even Mark Twain, however, it’s silly, escapist fun. There’s going to be another live-action movie with director Michael Bay taking the producing reigns. Which, whatever. It is what it is. Anyway, at the Nickelodeon Upfronts, Bay talked a bit about the new TMNT movie and basically proved why he’s so loathsome.

Describing the characters, Bay said, “These turtles are from an alien race, and they’re going to be tough, edgy, funny, and completely lovable,” according to The Playlist. So not only did Bay put a mechanical ball sack onto Devastator in Transformers 2, but now he’s making the TMNTs aliens?

The TMNT origin story isn’t all that complicated — a bunch of sewer turtles get covered in mutant slime, turn into ninjas and eat pizza. Does that really need changing? Then again, there’s this from Devin Faraci:

It seems to me that Michael Bay is actually correct when he talks about aliens being involved. Because if you were a real Turtles fan, you would know that TCRI, the place from whence the mutagenic ooze came, was actually a secret base for alien Utroms. And the Utroms were represented in the cartoon show by Krang, the little pink squishy guy in a big robot exoskeleton. Which means that Krang is probably the baddie in this movie. So maybe the film is skipping the accidental mutating and making the Turtles mutated by TCRI, or maybe he’s talking in a bigger picture sense in that the whole film is about the Turtles discovering their origins – which is the original storyline of the original Mirage Comics version.

Whatever, as long as they eat pizza and become masters of karate and friendship.

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