Rock rumors from Rolling Stone

Does anyone read Rolling Stone anymore? Probably not, it’s a lot of shite. But every now and again they put out something humorous/slightly interesting/worth noting/debatable, blah blah blah.

So they’ve put up a list of the 25 best rumors in rock and roll history. Of course Paul’s dead is number one. Is there any rock list that isn’t complete without some Beatles shananigans landing in the top spot. There should be a law passed by Congress stating that anything pertaining to the Beatles shall heretofore be banned from all future rock and roll lists.

Seriously. It’s like a short cut to thinking.? Quick!? What’s the best record of all time?? Sgt. Pepper’s.? Dang, I mean, er, ah shit.? Gotta love Rolling Stone ripping of Q Magazine and NME, who’s been using this ploy for a while now… Some of these we thought were true, like how Pearl Jam got their name?? What’s up with that?? Also the rumor of Kenny G. being talented?? How did that not make the list?

Without further ado (our favorites in bold):

1. Paul McCartney is or has ever been dead.
2. Stevie Nicks? assistant had to blow coke up Stevie?s ass due to Nicks? destroyed nasal passages.
3. Mama Cass died after choking on a ham sandwich.
4. Angie Bowie caught her husband in bed with Mick Jagger.
5. Mark David Chapman was an assassin programmed by the CIA.
6. Members of Led Zeppelin pleased a teenage groupie using a red snapper/shark as their sex toy of choice.
7. Jim Morrison was killed by members of the Nixon administration/faked his own death/died from a heart attack brought on by masturbating in a Parisian bathtub.
8. Deborah Harry was once abducted by serial killer Ted Bundy.
9. Keith Moon drove a car into a Holiday Inn pool on his 21st birthday, knocked out a couple of teeth and got the Who banned for life from all Holiday Inns.
10. Gene Simmons had a cow tongue grafted onto his own tongue after a car accident.
11. Rod Stewart/Lil? Kim/Jordan Knight had to get their respective stomachs pumped after ingesting a gallon of semen.
12. During a drug bust on Mick?s place Marianne Faithfull was once found with a Mars bar between her legs.
13. Marilyn Manson had his lowest set of ribs removed so he could blow himself.
14. Alice Cooper and Frank Zappa attempted to gross each other out by shitting onstage, then eating it.
15. Bob Marley was assassinated/given cancer in his toe by the CIA.
16. Phil Collins? tune ?In the Air Tonight? was written after Collins witnessed a gruesome incident in which one man let another man drown.
17. Keith Richards routinely has in the past/continues today to get full-body blood transfusions.
18. Jack and Meg White are brother and sister.
19. ?Hotel California? is about a Christian church that was abandoned then taken over by Satan worshipers, the Eagles are Satan worshipers and Satan him (or her) self appears in the window on the album jacket.
20. Bob Ezrin, who produced Lou Reed?s Berlin, got the anguished children?s cries you hear on ?The Kids? by telling his own children their mother was dead and recording the sounds they made.
21. Pearl Jam was named after a peyote-infused jam Eddie Vedder?s grandmother used to make.
22. Charles Manson auditioned for the Monkees.
23. Marilyn Manson played Kevin Arnold?s friend Paul Pfeiffer on the Wonder Years.
24. Robert Johnson sold his soul to the devil in exchange for his guitar-playing gifts.
25. Roy Orbison was an albino and wore dark glasses because he was blind.

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  • leb707 April 5, 2007, 8:23 am

    #23…Definitely not Paul, but maybe Winnie Cooper