Li Lo can raise the dead

So apparantly, besides getting into trouble with DUI’s and drugs isn’t the only skill set Lindsay Lohan possesses. Apparantly she can also raise the fictitious dead. While perusing for a list of credits for Mark Protosevich, I came across this little tidbit on IMDB:

Both Lindsay Lohan’s parents are responsible for her bad behavior, according to the actress’s long-term bodyguard Tony Almeida. Almeida, who worked for Lohan for three years until 2005, claims Dina Lohan and Michael Lohan failed to provide the 21-year-old with any structure – and kept her working to pay for their lifestyle.

He tells In Touch magazine, “From a young age, she dealt with her father’s physical, emotional and drug abuses as well as her mother’s drinking.” Almeida also claims he had to pull Michael off his daughter – then 16 – after he stopped the car he was driving “and dragged her out of the car, pushed her up against the hood, screamed at her and called her a slut.”

He adds that Dina frequently “let her do whatever she wanted, just to keep her happy and working . . . (At her 16th birthday party) Lindsay drank whatever she wanted – I saw her drinking beer and mixed drinks with my own eyes (without Dina’s intervention).” He says, “Lindsay was the family cash cow – and she (Dina) resented it. They counted on her to pay their bills…I saw Lindsay exhausted, begging her mother for some time off.”

In the interview, Almeida goes on to claim Lohan’s parents allowed her to sleep with ex-boyfriend Aaron Carter when she was 15 and he 14, and that he caught her sniffing white powder in a nightclub when she was 18. He also alleges that the actress cut herself and threatened suicide during miserable teen years.

Our emphasis added, of course. But really? Her body guard is ex-CTU agent Tony Almeida? What, she couldn’t afford Jack Bauer? Do you think she would have any of the problems she would be having if Jack Bauer were her bodyguard. No! You know why?

Because Jack Bauer would have killed the cops and the drug dealers and her parents and every single member of the paparazzi by now. In fact, he would also have killed the trashy journalists reporting on the story. Because that’s how Jack Bauer rolls.

Tony Almeida, apparently not so much.

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